Regrouping

I have to be honest and admit that I've been feeling worn-down lately. I haven't run out of things to say, or ideas for music (though inspiration seems secondary when I find myself just 'going through the motions'). It's been a combination of challenges that have brought me to this point. This project is time consuming, and I can't neglect my job, my wife (who has been a consistent source of encouragement and support), and other responsibilities. However, I can usually combat this frustration with some simple rationale. One, no one is making me do this. Two, you don't grow if you don't challenge yourself.

I was listening to an author on talk-radio earlier, and she was talking about the detriments of "relentless positive thinking." I happened to agree with most of her philosophy about that subject. It's okay to be realistic, to be human, to analyze a situation accurately, etc. I haven't written much in this journal about the mental and emotional aspects of this project. I'd rather use the music and lyrics for that purpose, but for the sake of documentation I thought I should interject these thoughts occasionally. Overall, I'm still very glad to be doing this project, and I knew there would be times that were easier than others. I just have to be careful about entering a recording session in the wrong state-of-mind. I don't always have to be positive and happy to write music with purpose, but I do have to be intent and focused. The handful of days that I feel like I've just 'gone through the motions' have ended up taking just as long, but the lack of intent and focus is reflected in the final product. Fortunately it isn't always noticed by others, but that's not the point.

Like most songwriters, I am not really shooting for quantity. I would be happy to write just one great song that inspired everyone who heard it. I've written lots of songs during this project that I really enjoy, but I don't think I've written that one great one yet. Hopefully I never feel that way so that I never stop trying. I imagine that there will be many times during this project that I'm forced to take a step back and regroup. Endurance events are like that. I got a little off-track (musically) this week, but facing these issues has helped me regain perspective. Regaining that perspective and moving forward doesn't mean I'm a strong person. It's more about being willing to accept strength, guidance, inspiration, etc from sources outside of myself (God, wife, friends, family). If I was alone in this I might've already failed.

Today is Monday. I have completed 110 consecutave days of successfully writing, recording, mixing, and publishing a new song every day. It's 3:30pm in Texas. I'm going to start writing Song111_(currently untitled).

-Matthew